being loved

4 years ago on Thursday i had the privilege of meeting the love of my life, Debra Jean. while our road has been very bumpy these past 4 years, i am truly appreciative of what i have today. and today is all that really matters anyways. 

i bought a house for us - which she eventually moved out of, i still own, and am way behind on my payments. but this house has taught me that money isn't everything. i have cleaned out my savings account for this house. i have learned the not so joyous joys of owning your own home. i have put up with the HOA and their ridiculous unwritten rules. i have realized that while 5 years ago my dream was to own my own home, i've accomplished that dream and i'm not so sure i want to return to owning my own home anytime in the near future.

the house is the reason i stayed in Texas. and because i stayed in Texas, i truly discovered what it means to love someone with every ounce of your being. if i had not owned this home, i would have packed the car up the first time we broke up and driven back to California. i wouldn't have started the catering business. i wouldn't have met Susie & Kathy. i wouldn't have gotten a dog. but most importantly, i never would have found the desire to rekindle what we had lost in that break-up. 

it's no secret that we broke up and my heart felt like it would never mend. it's also no secret that during one of our longer break-ups, i had another girlfriend. but after all of those heart breaking moments and through all the tears, i have come to one conclusion - Debra Jean is the only one for me. 

here i sit, about 42 days from leaving Texas. and while my heart aches at the thought of not having her right down the street from me every day, i know that the decision i have made to move is a good decision. i know this because she supports that decision. and it is with her support that i have the courage to leave this state and move closer to my family. because i know, in my heart of hearts, that no matter where i go she will always be the love of my life. and my hope is that i will always be hers, and that one day she will come and be with me in California. 

a quote i heard the other day says it all:
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.