the end of the year...
a time for reflection. a time for goal planning. a time for closing the doors of the past year and identifying the ones to open for the next year. 

that sounds so philosophical, doesn't it?

it's new year's eve and i kind of took the day off. i should be doing the "end of the year" things like balancing the check book, paying the bills, filling papers in the office, cleaning this mayhem of an office, grocery shopping, redrawing out a budget for next year, writing down goals for next year, looking for a new house in northern california, emailing susie about her crap in my garage, figuring out if i should sell or rent this house. or i could be doing the things that i should do because i haven't done them but always wanted to do them like writing happy new year/thank you cards to the friends and families who sent me holiday cards, filling in a calendar with birthdays of my family so i can remember to send them cards this year, finishing the cross-stitch stocking i have been working on for 2 years, starting the book i want to pull together from my grandparents love letters. or i could do what i really just want to do which is to cuddle on the couch with my dog and watch a movie, preferably with a fire going in the fireplace - but that would mean i have to buy firewood since my roommate used it all on xmas day. 


the possibilities are endless. 

but you know what? the possibilities are endless EVERY day. so instead of worrying about what i am GOING to do, why don't i just do it? stop talking about it, and put my mind to it. like this. my blog. i talk about writing more but do i?

for 2013, i am going to focus on finishing the projects i have started and will start. i am going to focus on the doing of things, not just the planning of getting them done. instead of saying things like "i really want to write a book" i am just going to write a book. if it sucks, at least i wrote it, right? i didn't say it had to be a best seller. that's for 2014. 

happy new year everyone. don't forget to hug your loved ones!

short and sweet...

this one is short and sweet... just like the title. 

all i really wanted to say was i miss writing. so i am going to try to blog more. i know, i know. i say this all the time, but this time i really am going to try. i mean i work at home. i have this amazing mac laptop with this ginormous screen - i could at least tell you about that. or i could tell you about my working from home and how this is sooooo much different than my previous working from home experiences. or i could tell you what the dogs do all day while i am working from home. the possibilities are endless. 

what is not endless is my time - but i am vowing to make more time for this blog. why? because it seriously is one of the best ways for me to vent without naming names or getting into trouble. and let me tell you, this new job, whilst it is awesome and they pay 100% of my health coverage - i am dealing with some very interesting individuals. and interesting is putting it very lightly. 

with that said, i am going to post this and head to dinner. happy friday everyone. may you all enjoy the weekend and all it will bring to you. i am looking forward to the cold front that may bring snow flurries on monday! wooo hooo!!!
 

a weekend in August

August is pretty much one of my either most favorite or most hated months of the year. we are coming to the close of August so i thought a little tribute to one of my three trips this month could be a nice posting. 

my birthday is in August. and this year, instead of sitting in 100+ heat in this sticky state of Texas, I got to go back to SF. the trip was both fun and happy and poignant and sad and emotionally and physically exhausting. first i will introduce you to the poignant, sad, draining part of the trip...

i went home for my Aunt Martha's memorial. it sucked. well, no, the memorial didn't suck. the memorial was actually awesome. my mom put together an amazing party after the church part and the church part was very beautiful. the sucky part was i actually had to face up to the fact that Martha is gone. and while she has been gone for over a month, being here in Texas means i didn't have to really deal with the fact that she is gone. but being in SF brought it all home for me. and honestly - death sucks. and death that comes so suddenly (car crash for those of you that don't know) is really really on the top of the suck-o-meter. with all that said, you can see where the sad and poignant and draining parts come into the weekend.

the good part about the whole thing is the family decided to have the memorial the day AFTER my birthday. which meant that on my birthday i was able to do the following:
* Renew my California (yes, CALIFORNIA!) driver's license
* Get the grey hairs gone by my dear friend and the only person who will ever touch my hair, Emil Besson
* Whip up some tasty treats for the memorial
* Go out with my closest and dearest friends and family in SF for a lot of wine

and here we go into the happy, fun, yet physically exhaustive part of the weekend. there were 14 of us who all met up on Friday night in the Mission at a tiny little wine bar and truly enjoyed ourselves. at least i hope y'all did, because i know i did. seeing your faces on my birthday evening made this one of my best birthdays ever. i truly enjoyed your company, the conversation, the laughter, the surprises and the tremendous amount of love pouring around the table. i don't remember all of the evening, but i do remember that i didn't do anything terribly stupid. i did remember to put on my flip flops to walk to the car (instead of the heels). and i did drink the coconut water that Annie gave me before i went to bed. i think without that coconut water, i may have not been able to function as well as i did on Saturday (and i was barely functioning!)

i do hate to say it but in my old age - my liver cannot take the copious amounts of alcohol consumed between August 9th at 6pm to August 12th at 7pm. seriously. i just can't do that anymore. i used to be able to down a 12-pack without a hangover. but now, the consequences are too difficult to endure.

despite the fact that i was pretty much hungover from Saturday to Tuesday, i had an amazing weekend full of friends and family. i got to see the people whom i love most in the world (minus a couple). i got to enjoy their company and laugh and eat and i even got to catch a phenomenal Giants game. bottom line? it was an amazing trip and i wouldn't change a thing. thank you to all of you who participated, including you Martha. you would have loved every minute of it.

music for a memorial

my mom asked me to pull together a playlist for Martha's memorial this weekend. i have to say, it kind of sucks to sit here and find the right music for a memorial. i would much rather be choosing songs to play at a wedding or a birthday party, even a kid's birthday party. 

there are songs i want to put in the list but i know they are too "happy" and then there are songs where i just can't put them in there - like who wants to go to a Memorial and hear Sarah McLachlan sing "I Will Remember You." and then there is the fact that 1/2 my music collection isn't even in my i-tunes. like there is not a single Beatles song in my music list. not one. 

but i did find some really nice classical guitar for the church services which i am planning on listening to at work tomorrow. classical guitar is really beautiful and much calmer than an orchestra. there isn't any clanging symbols or brass sections. it's just nice and peaceful.

and i also discovered that i have misplaced one of my all time favorite albums - Rites of Passage by The Indigo Girls. thanks to the powers of i-tunes, i purchased it again. i think this probably marks my 5th purchase of this album. i hope Amy & Emily are thankful for repeat customers. 

needless to say, i am just dropping songs into a playlist and we can hit shuffle and see what happens. so far i have dropped 19.4 hours into the playlist. that should cover us for the hopefully 2 hours of guests. 

i did sneak in some happy stuff, FYI. like a Vampire Weekend song. and some old Paul Simon. :)

(i know this is a pretty boring post. but i promised to write more. i never said i would only write good intriguing stuff. so, every once in awhile, you will probably find a boring post about "what i did today." just go with it. or comment and complain. i don't really care.)

trying to get motivated...

i'm trying today. i am really trying today. but honestly this is not easy. here is the not easy part. first of all - every day since i have quit smoking (ok, maybe not every day but about 85% of them) i want a cigarette. and the past few days have been the hardest. 

most of the time i can redirect my energy into doing something else - like cleaning the house or fiddling around in the kitchen making something new. but no. not this week. because this week my roommate has her dad and her sister here. and all they do is sit in the living room and watch TV. there is no space for me. there is no inquiry as to what i want to watch on my TV (of which i pay for the cable and the electricity). they are just there watching movies i have seen or movies i haven't seen but i can't ask them to start them at the beginning.

i know. i am being petty. after all, my roommate did just come home from surgery and they are here nursing her back to health. but she is doing fine. and all they do is sit there. i want to enjoy my house, not share my house. i want 6 hours of selfish time not spent in my room or in my office.

enough of my venting. i will use this frustration to go and clean my bathroom, do some laundry and cook them lunch. because somehow i got volunteered to prepare risotto and grilled chicken for lunch. in all fairness i was asked - but what am i supposed to say "no. i don't want to cook your family lunch because i don't want them to stay here and if i cook then they will probably never want to leave?" 

one day, she'll probably read this and then hate me. but i really just needed to vent and now that that's done, i am going to get off my ass and start my laundry and cleaning the bathroom and start the late lunch. and tomorrow to escape the fact that i don't have any space other than my room, i will probably just go to work. and then in less than a week i get to leave TX and go to CA where the weather will enable me to find my own quiet space somewhere outside with a book and the only thing missing will be my dog. 


thanks for listening...
  

storms

someone pointed out to me the other day that i have nothing positive to say about Texas. don't get me wrong, there are some things i like in Texas. the bbq is amazing, the fact that they have seasons is pretty cool, and then there are some weather phenomenons that happen here that i haven't experienced anywhere else. one of those phenomenon things happened last Friday. 

the weather last Friday was predicted to be seasonably hot - around 99 with the heat index pushing 106. no showers were predicted but it was supposed to be quite humid (hence heat index). 

i was at work and i thought i would try to get out of there around 5:30pm. at about 4:30pm i looked outside and noticed that it had gotten significantly darker. since my wonderful 1998 Jimmy doesn't have a working driver's side windshield wiper (thanks to a garbage can lid on the highway), i decided it was time to pack up and get out of there. i should have moved faster, because i missed my window.

about 15 minutes later i looked outside and it seriously looked like those news pictures of a hurricane. you know the ones - where the news guy is standing with the ocean behind him and the waves are crashing and the tree is blowing so hard that the top is touching the ground and the wind is pelting rain at the camera lens so you can barely see what you are supposed to be looking at? yeah... that one. without a windshield wiper, i wasn't going anywhere.

now storms in the south can last for about 30 minutes but most of the summer storms we get only last about 15 minutes, especially the strong ones. not this one. about 5:30 the thunder and lightening started. the office had a 15 second power outage. the rain kept coming. and then the fire trucks came. the power outage triggered some a/c unit which triggered the alarm and now yours truly (aka the admin/HR/maintenance/facilities manager) was walking around the fire fighters trying to show them that yes, we were fine. 

around 6:30 the storm had died down enough for me to head outside to my car. the rain was now a soft drizzle and as long as i drove as far away from the big trucks as possible, i knew i could get home safely. i headed out and this is where the coolest part happened... 

i pull out onto the highway and looked to my right (to the south). there are no buildings there (instead it's old DFW runways) but you could see the storm. you could actually see the heavy dark ominous storm clouds and the lightening bolts and the rain coming down - and all of this was at least 20 miles away! and then i looked to my left (to the north) where there was sun and a few scattered clouds. if you didn't look at the ground or see the tree branches hanging off the trees by a couple of leaves, you would have thought it was just a typical summer day. 

i wish i had my camera with me and i wish i could have taken a picture to capture the awe of it all. the sight of this huge storm cloud just moving further and further away was beautiful. and to be able to see the cloud surrounded by calm, dry, sunny weather was a sight that is hard to describe in words.

storms like this make us realize how small we really are in the grand scheme of things. the power that mother nature has is amazing. being in a state which is very flat, you can see that power. in San Francisco, you don't get to see the storm roll in and then still see it when it's 20 miles away. if you are high enough (maybe Twin Peaks or Pat Wipf's old house on 21st Street) you can sometimes see the fog roll in and settle on top of the city. but you can't see the monstrous storm clouds that just drenched downtown head over to the Peninsula and drench the Hillsborough mansions. the glorious hills that i miss so dearly prevent that.

but in the flat lands of Texas, you can definitely see those clouds coming and going. which is a good thing, especially for those tornadoes... right?

a day off with coldplay

i forgot how much i love ColdPlay. not just love them, but like love love love them. and here is how i remembered.

i took the day off today. i had to. work is awful. i mean really really awful. yesterday someone actually IM'd me to say this:

This is not a complaint but a comment from a concrned resident of the first floor. After compensation my primary source of job satisfaction is a readily accessable source or frozen water granuales for my beverages.

about the broken ice machine. not only about the ice machine, but about 1 of 3 ice machines on the first floor and 1 of 4 ice machines in the entire building. ice. and this wasn't the only thing he had to say. he went on from here. but i won't torture you with his diatribe. 

anyways, i took the day off. and while i had the day off i decided to do something i have been meaning to do but haven't had the energy or time. my friend Cassidy is running the SF marathon. i know, she is insane. but i love her and i admire her BIG TIME for doing this. and i wish i could afford to be home that weekend to stand on a corner and hold a huge sign that said "Don't Stop People are Watching!!!" but i can't. so instead, i am pulling quotes and words and music together to send to her fantabulous girlfriend to pull together for a big inspiration book of some sort. (i swear, if Cassidy reads this i am in so much trouble because i think it's all a big surprise.) 

in the midst of all of this, i had to get onto itunes and pull some names of songs that i love. the instruction said to pull stuff that would remind Cassidy of a time that we had together. unfortunately that would just be all of one artist's music, so i opted for songs that inspire me. and then i thought about songs that get me going, that pull me out of a funk, that make me smile, that make me love my life and that is where i found coldplay again. 

it's not like i lost them. i mean, you don't really lose music that sings to your soul. but i sort of forgot about them. and then today, as i was playing around the 14.6 days of music i have in my itunes (no i have not finished downloading my cds yet!), there they were. seeing the old X&Y album reminded me that i needed to find that one song that makes me cry, makes me laugh, makes me want to dance for hours. so i dove into itunes and found it. 

"every teardrop is a waterfall"

thanks hjc and cass for the nudge to remember what inspires me.

facebook "friends"

ahhh... the glories of facebook. i personally find it to be quite fun to read about what my friends are doing. but then there are days like today, where it stings a little to read about the people you used to count as friends are doing. 

there is a group of gals i used to hang out with here in Texas. i used to consider them my friends, used to meet up for lunch with one of them regularly, used to play ball with them, and i used to get invited to their homes for parties and the like. somehow, along the road, i got on the "non-invited" list. and while i find their 7 day a week drinking habits to be a little too much for me, i do miss the camaraderie that having friends in your neck of the woods can feel like. i thought they liked my company. i thought they enjoyed my ability to pick up their card games quickly. i thought they liked the fact that i used their palates to taste test new recipes. but i guess, somewhere between january (the last time i hung out with them) and today, i lost the invitation. 

i am not disheartened, just that much more determined to make these next months my final months in Texas. i am not saddened, as i have friends in my life that may not physically be here but are always there for me. and i am not disappointed, because i know that in the end the loss is theirs. and if they ever find themselves on a trip to CA and want to stay at my house or hang out with me or have a tour guide for a day, i think i may not be available. in fact, because of the glories of facebook, i think by the middle of this week a number of them will be deleted from my "friends" list. because who needs to know what they missed anyways? 

on a happier note - my dad has been here this weekend and we have had a great time. it's been a long long time when it was just father/daughter day - and it sincerely is wonderful to have a couple of those to enjoy. 

Sunday Funday

Sunday. It used to be Sunday Funday which involved Softball and Beer. But as I have grown older I have realized that not only do I dislike the feeling of complete loss of control on a Sunday, but I also don't like the added calories that a 12-pack of bud light can add to my ass. Don't get me wrong, I am not a teetotaller by any means. Hell, if I was, most of my family would disown me. But I do like to retain my senses and I enjoy waking up on Mondays feeling refreshed and ready to start the week. Of course, that feeling has dissipated by 11am, but at least the mind set was there to start the day, right? 

Instead of a Sunday Funday filled with Softball and Beer, today is a Sunday Spa Day filled with that once-every-blue-moon urge I have to drop $400 on a day at the spa for some much needed pampering. My acupuncturist told me on Tuesday that no, I could not have 2 weeks off from him. I was required to come back the following Tuesday AND in between the 2 visits I needed to get a massage. (Stressed much?) I took that as a sign that I need to go get pampered. And now I am. 

I have to say I am always a little cautious on going to a spa for the first time. What kind of situation is it going to be? Am I going to do something stupid, like disrobe completely when you aren't supposed to? Does the place live up to all it's hype or are all the 'yelp' reviews people who were paid to write about it? Are the staffers so bored that they made up phony email addresses so they could vote the place the "best of Dallas" for that magazine poll or is it really better than the spa at the Ritz? (Wait a minute, does Dallas even have a Ritz Carlton?? Oh, who cares anyways. I think the Marriott bought them all so they have digressed from what they used to be.)

But I am anxious to go. The first appointment is at noon and I am supposed to show up at 11:30. From the website the place doesn't appear to have all the amenities of the Huntington Hotel in SF (OMG that place is amazing). But it also doesn't appear to require $50 to park at either. I just hope that the girl who answers the phone doesn't get her treatments there. Because she sounded like she is wound so tightly that she may explode any minute. And if that's the case, the spa will receive a BAD review on yelp from me and you, my blog-readers, will have to read about my horrid experience on my blog. And the worst part is I will be stressed out trying to find another spa to indulge myself in - or I'll just say F it and schedule an appointment at the Huntington for my next trip to SF. 

Wish me luck... I need this fresh, clean, new start. I need this more than you will ever know. 

oh yes... again.

again what? well, again a lot of things. again it's been a seriously long time since i have posted anything. again, i am still stuck in texas. again, i am working in a corporate job with stupid people that really make me doubt the intelligence of humans as a whole. oh, and again, my ex-girlfriend (times 4 now i think?) has broken my heart. 

but again i rise above it all and open my mind to the fact that i am going to give myself a 10 month goal of getting the F out of this hell hole. yup - 10 months. i will NOT spend another summer in hot, sticky, miserable texas. 

i don't know what else to say but i am making a lot of goals right now. and this time i will stick to them. so stay tuned for more information on how this miserable girl who has gained probably 30 pounds in the past 3 months is going to climb out of this hole and stand tall and proud on a new mountain in a state where they have actual mountains. i'll be in CA before you know it... and texas will be a mere dust particle in the rear view mirror.