trying to get motivated...

i'm trying today. i am really trying today. but honestly this is not easy. here is the not easy part. first of all - every day since i have quit smoking (ok, maybe not every day but about 85% of them) i want a cigarette. and the past few days have been the hardest. 

most of the time i can redirect my energy into doing something else - like cleaning the house or fiddling around in the kitchen making something new. but no. not this week. because this week my roommate has her dad and her sister here. and all they do is sit in the living room and watch TV. there is no space for me. there is no inquiry as to what i want to watch on my TV (of which i pay for the cable and the electricity). they are just there watching movies i have seen or movies i haven't seen but i can't ask them to start them at the beginning.

i know. i am being petty. after all, my roommate did just come home from surgery and they are here nursing her back to health. but she is doing fine. and all they do is sit there. i want to enjoy my house, not share my house. i want 6 hours of selfish time not spent in my room or in my office.

enough of my venting. i will use this frustration to go and clean my bathroom, do some laundry and cook them lunch. because somehow i got volunteered to prepare risotto and grilled chicken for lunch. in all fairness i was asked - but what am i supposed to say "no. i don't want to cook your family lunch because i don't want them to stay here and if i cook then they will probably never want to leave?" 

one day, she'll probably read this and then hate me. but i really just needed to vent and now that that's done, i am going to get off my ass and start my laundry and cleaning the bathroom and start the late lunch. and tomorrow to escape the fact that i don't have any space other than my room, i will probably just go to work. and then in less than a week i get to leave TX and go to CA where the weather will enable me to find my own quiet space somewhere outside with a book and the only thing missing will be my dog. 


thanks for listening...