where the title comes from

i thought i should explain myself. i chose the title for this blog because truly, this is not the life i thought i would be leading when i was growing up. hell, this isn't the life i thought i would be leading when i left SF in September of 2009. but here i am. 

i always thought i'd have the happy family life, a couple of kids (ok, i really wanted 7) running around the yard, a friendly dog and a wonderful loving partner. i wanted to be a mother and a "domestic goddess." i wanted the garden in the back, and the kids riding their bikes to school and coming home to do their homework. i wanted to fill my mornings with picking up laundry and planning dinner. yes, i wanted all those tasks. but that's not what i got. 

and that's not to say what i got is a bad thing - i don't mean that at all. it's just not what i planned. i didn't plan to be out of work and scraping by to find the money for the house payment. i didn't plan to be in a huge house without a partner. i didn't plan to be childless at 37. (i wanted to be done having kids by 35! ha ha!!!) but here i am. an unemployed 37-year-old with too much experience on her resume to find a job and a desire to make this catering business a true business which reaps income that pays all the bills. 

i am struggling - financially and emotionally. but who isn't struggling these days? i find myself lucky, in fact. i am lucky to not be in a loveless marriage with no way out. i am lucky to have a roof over my head and food in my refrigerator. i am lucky to have the courage to try and make this business work. and more than anything, i am lucky to have friends in almost every state of the US who provide me with the inspiration to continue doing what i am doing. 

who knows what this next year will bring, but i am excited to find out. i am excited to test myself and very excited to succeed in my adventures. i am not looking forward to the failures that will come along the way, but i will embrace them as they pass by. 

now - this posting is pretty cheesy and really not what i would write normally, but i thought i would add a little bit of positivity to this blog. it's almost a reminder to myself to stay strong and true to myself and retain the self-confidence that brought me here. i need to dig deep these next few weeks and bring that self-confidence to the forefront again. so stay tuned for postings on my trials and tribulations of doing just that.