where the title comes from

i thought i should explain myself. i chose the title for this blog because truly, this is not the life i thought i would be leading when i was growing up. hell, this isn't the life i thought i would be leading when i left SF in September of 2009. but here i am. 

i always thought i'd have the happy family life, a couple of kids (ok, i really wanted 7) running around the yard, a friendly dog and a wonderful loving partner. i wanted to be a mother and a "domestic goddess." i wanted the garden in the back, and the kids riding their bikes to school and coming home to do their homework. i wanted to fill my mornings with picking up laundry and planning dinner. yes, i wanted all those tasks. but that's not what i got. 

and that's not to say what i got is a bad thing - i don't mean that at all. it's just not what i planned. i didn't plan to be out of work and scraping by to find the money for the house payment. i didn't plan to be in a huge house without a partner. i didn't plan to be childless at 37. (i wanted to be done having kids by 35! ha ha!!!) but here i am. an unemployed 37-year-old with too much experience on her resume to find a job and a desire to make this catering business a true business which reaps income that pays all the bills. 

i am struggling - financially and emotionally. but who isn't struggling these days? i find myself lucky, in fact. i am lucky to not be in a loveless marriage with no way out. i am lucky to have a roof over my head and food in my refrigerator. i am lucky to have the courage to try and make this business work. and more than anything, i am lucky to have friends in almost every state of the US who provide me with the inspiration to continue doing what i am doing. 

who knows what this next year will bring, but i am excited to find out. i am excited to test myself and very excited to succeed in my adventures. i am not looking forward to the failures that will come along the way, but i will embrace them as they pass by. 

now - this posting is pretty cheesy and really not what i would write normally, but i thought i would add a little bit of positivity to this blog. it's almost a reminder to myself to stay strong and true to myself and retain the self-confidence that brought me here. i need to dig deep these next few weeks and bring that self-confidence to the forefront again. so stay tuned for postings on my trials and tribulations of doing just that.

stuffy nose

yup. i woke up with a stuffy achy head yesterday and today again. i am determined to beat this thing down with vitamins and liquids. that and a hopeful visit to the chiropractor. for some reason a chiropractic adjustment seems to help the stuffed sinuses. maybe it releases them, who knows. but for me it works. and since i don't have medical insurance, it will definitely be better than being completely hyped up on nyquil and dayquil for the rest of the week. and yes, for all you moms out there, i am taking my vitamins and eating a lot of soup. i promise.

i am also drinking a ton of liquids. so much, in fact, that it makes me wonder why one should drink so many liquids. i seriously got out of bed last night 4 times to pee. that does not mean i got a good night's sleep. so if you are supposed to drink all these liquids, and you are supposed to get lots of rest, how do those two go together? granted, i did crawl into bed around 9pm and got out of bed at 9am, but still. it just doesn't make sense to me.

in other news, the weather here is quite nippy but the sun is out. they say we're going to have a "thawing" weekend which i am all over. i think it may be time to seriously start planning the garden. i need to buy some wood, figure out how much soil i will need, and figure out how much it will all cost. and then i will need to convince some friends (maybe those of you out of work??) to come on over and help build some raised beds. i just hope i can figure out the whole timing thing. the season thing is new to this CA girl. but i'll get it down and in doing so, i will definitely have some kick-ass tomatoes this year. 

happy thursday everyone.

impending weather leads to ridiculous shopping

it's supposed to snow tomorrow. well, tonight and through tomorrow. and for us living in North Texas that means you stay in and don't go out. don't get me wrong, we aren't getting like 10 inches of snow or more like my friends in the Eastern and Northern states are getting. but here in Texas driving becomes treacherous when there are 2 inches. i guess we just don't have the equipment for it. which is the same for my household because we ended up shoveling the snow off the driveway with a regular shovel, and then ice picking the ice that was below the snow with a hoe and pitchfork. it was a very tedious job and my joints still ache, but we did it! still, it just goes to show you that here in Texas not only do the public transportation teams not have the appropriate equipment to handle a snow storm, but neither do the citizens. i did swear (while "hoeing the driveway") that if it snows again next winter, i am buying a snow shovel. it's not supposed to snow here during the winter, but this is the second year in a row my street has looked like a picture of Denver, CO. 

all of this to lead to my shopping story. wow... i truly do need to edit. but this is my blog and i'm just going to go with it.

my shopping trip was to go to the dollar store to get some Epson salt. according to my military neighbor, Kevin, it's the cheapest and easiest way to de-ice your driveway. you can get a 1/2 gallon sized carton of Epson salt at the dollar store for $3. he said i would only need 1/2  the carton, so i bought 2 cartons. of course while i was there i had to look at the other deals and ended up with some small picture frames. i had to replace the picture frame that asshole roommate broke and never replaced. (he's another subject for another blog.) and why not buy a few more to house some of the photos that i have so i can add something to my walls. after my purchases of salt and frames - the dollar store run (which was planned to be about $5) turned into $14.07.

then on to the grocery store. i have this new found love with cream cheese. i have it on my bagel or bran muffin every morning. and i am down to very little and did not want to get caught in a snow storm without - so Tom Thumb here i come. that trip which was planned to cost only $6 turned into $38.12. yes. i decided while at the grocery store that in order to make it feel warmer than the estimated 37 degrees, i would make carnitas tacos this week. that doesn't take into account that i already went to the grocery store over the weekend and my fridge has a ton of food in it waiting to be cooked. but now i have one more meal to add to the menu for the week.

of course with carnitas tacos, one must have the best tortillas which cannot be found at Tom Thumb. they are found at the Mexican bakery/tacqueria near my house. so i headed there to pick up some tortillas. now, 20 tortillas are only $2. but i was hungry so i bought what i thought was a burrito but turned into an extra large taco and my total at Marquez was $7.39.

all in all, i was not frugal by any means today with my shopping trip. and i never did find firewood. it seems Grand Prairie is out of firewood at all locations. i could have added to that Tom Thumb bill and spent $22 on 6 of those duraflame type logs that supposedly burn for 3 hours. but no, i couldn't justify spending that. besides, i just spent $59.58 on what was going to be an $11 outing. wow. now if i could only find that firewood guy...

stranded

it's funny. i've been wanting to re-start a blog for awhile now but nothing kicked me into high gear until today. for some reason, the stars aligned or something. and now that i start to write, the song playing is Shawn Colvin "Stranded." and that's pretty much where i find myself these days. maybe that's not the most positive word to describe my state of being, but it does kind of encompass how i got here.

for those of you who don't know - i am in Texas and unfortunately, i'm not in Austin. i'm not even in a city - but instead a suburb called Grand Prairie. i'm not really sure how grand this place is. it's pretty mundane. the houses are all the same, the communities are all pretty much young straight couples with new babies and young professionals. the only cool people i have found are the people who work at the grocery store or a good percentage of dog park people. but for the most part, the people in these parts are very small-minded and very self absorbed. needless to say i am here until at least June 2012. i'm not sure where the world will take me after that, but as soon as i can afford to put my house on the market i will. i want out of suburbia and back to something closer to the city, closer to culture, closer to some semblance of intelligent life-forms. 

for those of you who do live here in Grand Prairie and find my posting offensive, i extend my apologies. if you consider me a friend, chances are i consider you a friend as well and therefore you don't fall into any of the aforementioned categories. but if you are easily offended by my frustrations then you probably shouldn't read my blog. i'm just saying...

more later - and yes, it will be more positive as the blog progresses. you just caught me in an off-mood at this hour.